Re: River's Journey: In search of my dad

Describe your experiences. One practicioner - one topic!

River's Journey: In search of my dad

Postby River » Thu Jan 19, 2012 12:46 am

I can't believe I actually did it!!!!

Two nights ago, after 2 weeks of getting occasional vibrations and 2-3 difficult partial separations, I experienced the most fluid, effortless conversion of a dream into a fully-conscious OBE! I cannot believe how real the sensation of physical movement and perception was, and how complete my recall was upon awakening. It was simply extraordinary. No words can describe the novelty of this form of awareness as compared to ordinary waking or dreaming states.

The feeling of total reality began while in the dream---I was bouncing higher and higher over a grassy field like a human rubber ball---and after a moment my whole face and body were vibrating and shaking with the motion. I felt the shaking movements and the wind in my hair with as much tactile reality as my fingers feel right now moving across the keyboard. With this feeling came the utter certainty that I was in the phase and could step out of my body. I recalled Michael's advice to simply "get up and go forth", so that's what I did. For once, I didn't pause to analyze what I was doing or whether I was in the phase or not (no mean feat for someone with a huge tendency to overthink everything!). My certainty that the dream state had been transformed into the phase was rock solid, and I really think this was the ultimate key to success. Thus, I sat up in bed and put my feet on the floor.

Instantly I knew I was out of body---there was no mistaking it. I felt light as a feather and knew with equal certainty that there had been no transition through a state of wakefulness. The sensations were completely real! Michael's book seems to be right on the money in differentiating between separation that feels like ordinary movement versus separation that feels like an exit of some sort from the physical body. For me, in this experience, I simply stood up as though doing so in banal reality.

As I stood and took a few steps, my body continued to feel bouncy and light, as though walking on the moon, and I did a little dance of pure joy right there next to the bed before continuing on to the door. At the door, I hesitated and decided to open it normally rather than attempt to walk right through it, because that might freak me out and cause a foul.

Just before turning the knob, I remembered to peer at my hand in order to deepen, and saw that my whole arm was shot through with what seemed like a lattice or spiderweb of thin white lines. The clarity was good but definitely could have been brighter.

My first stop was the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I had been anxious for the chance to observe the side of my head, because I have been experiencing intense localized headaches for the past month or so. It was very dark in the bathroom. I tried saying "Clarity now!" while pointing at the light fixture. To my surprise, my vocal chords would not work at all. Straining and struggling, I finally managed to croak something out. Nothing happened at first, but very gradually the room brightened to its familiar yellowish color. Everything looked exactly like my real bathroom except for the ceiling, which was now covered in pastel porcelain tiles. I eagerly inspected my face and the side of my head, hoping to see something really unusual, like a bright light or aura, or at least to pinpoint the cause of the headaches. But, in fact, nothing looked amiss or even remotely unusual; in fact, I could not have looked more mundane, with sleepy eyes and tousled hair.

Having checked off that box on my plan of action, I focused in on my second, more important goal: making contact with my father, who passed away suddenly 4 months ago. (The pressing need to find him has driven my whole foray into the field of out-of-body travel these past few months). I was standing just outside my daughter's bedroom and had a sudden urge to go look at her, but then I remembered that that might detract from my concentration and lead to a quicker ending of my experience. So I regrouped and concentrated on finding my dad.

However, in all my careful planning while awake, I hadn't really gotten so far as to figure out HOW to find him. To be honest, I never quite believed that I would get this far in the experience (I have long been skeptical about the reality of this phenomenon but continued training in the techniques nonetheless.) So I quickly decided to venture into the office and yell his name out the window into the darkness of the backyard. I distinctly remember opening the window, then pulling up the screen. I gathered my strength and tried to yell "DAD!" Again, though, my vocal chords seemed inoperative. It took tremendous force of will to break through that stuck feeling; after a moment, however, the sound came and I yelled for all I was worth.

At first....silence. But then, to my utter joy, I heard my dad's voice from the back corner of the property, near the stream. All he said was my name: "River??". His voice sounded strong and clear and carried a note of surprise. That was all I needed. I tried to fly out the window to him. In all my emotionality and excitement, though, I had been forgetting to deepen, and even as I attempted to fly, the room and the night dissolved, and I opened my eyes in bed. There was no feeling of disorientation as though lifting out of the fog of dream. It was as though I had just closed my eyes momentarily and was now opening them.

I was completely, instantly aware of where I was and knew that I had just had the most profound experience of my life. Oh, and it just happened to be my dad's birthday, our first without him. Tonight I will try again, and if I succeed, the first thing I'm going to do is think the thought "Happy Birthday, Dad, I love you!" furiously, over and over again. I realized after the experience that I probably don't even need to shout as though my dad were far away, or even to use my voice at all.  I will just assume that he is standing right next to me. If our human consciousness is powerful enough to induce an experience like this, it should be more than capable of allowing me to communicate through thought alone. 

This is the start of an incredible journey. I feel like a pioneer, even though I know there are many folks on this discussion list who have taken these first steps long ago and are already very advanced practitioners. It's just that the world looks so different all of a sudden. To wake up one day and know for *certain* that the phase is a real phenomenon, accessible to us all, has instantly, radically altered all my prior understanding of human history, consciousness, and the meaning of life! It helps to bridge the gap between science and spirituality, a question I have struggled with intensely since adolescence and with even greater intensity since my father's death.

I don't claim to have any hard and fast answers, but at least I can now attest *through direct, personal experience* that there is a realm of consciousness mainstream neuroscience has not even begun to explore in a serious way. I can't wait to continue this exploration on my own and to read about what others have seen, done, and learned while in the phase. Hope to have another post for this blog very soon!!

Peace,
River
Last edited by River on Thu Jan 19, 2012 2:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: River's Journey: In search of my dad

Postby BK » Thu Jan 19, 2012 5:01 am

Wow!  Great experience...it seems like you did all the right things and it somes up a good portion of the text book.
If it is not too personal, I think it would be an incredible review for Amazon...
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Re: River's Journey: In search of my dad

Postby River » Sat Jan 21, 2012 1:48 am

Thanks, bk. That's a great idea. I had no idea the book was available through Amazon!

No luck with phasing since that one incredible OBE. I'm starting to think it was a gift from the beyond (that's me putting on my metaphysical hat, which I keep switching on and off with my materialist one :)). To go from a handful of partial separations to a full-on phase experience based on dream consciousness just seems like sheer luck, but then again, it also may just attest to the power of this method.

I'm still too keyed up from it all to recover that calm focus required for success. Will be trying again tonight, though, and keep this blog up to date with whatever happens!

Best of luck on your own journeys,
River
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Re: River's Journey: In search of my dad

Postby River » Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:19 pm

Finally, some updates to share!

After my initial phase experience, I tried for several weeks without much success to replicate it. Mostly I was struggling with overcoming fatigue, which prevented me from carrying out all the steps of the deferred method in an assertive way, as well as some fear and uncertainty about what I might come across while in the phase. Just your typical boogyman fantasies, I'm embarrassed to admit, but it turns out my unruly mind is far less rational and reasonable at night than in the clear light of morning!

Here are some excerpts from my journal:


"Okay, I'm going for broke tonight. Trying to play totally, 100% by the rules of the deferred method and keep it simple. Have a clear intention and then mechanically try, try, and try again to separate from my body, no matter what my state of mind."

Then, the following morning:

"SUCCESS!! Not as clear and lucid an experience as that first one, but far more vivid and perceptually real than the dream I had a few weeks ago, the one in which I went floating down the street outside my mom's house in broad daylight. As planned, I played everything by the book: went to bed and managed to fall asleep at around 10:20, awoke with the alarm at 4:30 (I was actually feeling pretty awake before then and was listening for the alarm). Got out of bed and went downstairs to get some cereal, and fell asleep on my back while practicing some of the techniques.

Also, and I'm sure this really helped, I kept telling myself that I was capable of entering the phase regardless of feeling afraid; that fear was no obstacle. This affirmation brought me much greater confidence and the ability to relax and go with whatever sensations might arise.

I don't remember drifting off, but I regained lucidity as the feeling of rising rapidly overtook me. No vibrations, sounds, or other indicators, just sudden weightlessness in a void. It was utterly effortless to separate. I remember that as I was rising up, I began cycling through the indirect techniques before realizing, to inner laughter, that they were hardly needed at this point.

I got the distinct impression that my mind had been overcome by surprise at suddenly being in the phase and so it rushed to create a setting in which to play out the experience. In this case, it was my mom's house (I was really asleep at my own house). I don't remember getting out of bed, but suddenly I was walking down the stairs. I began to deepen very aggressively by peering  at the banister. I went out the front door; even as I unlocked it I was already calling out for my dad. I made it outside. It was dark but the porch light made the driveway seem bright. Right away I headed over to the shrubbery just to the left of the front stairs and plucked a branch off one of the bushes to touch and stare at. Thee leaves on the sprig were dark green and oblong, with sprays of red berries nestled between them. (Just checked today--this plant does exist in her front yard, although much farther back than where I saw it.)

In any event, even as I peered at the sprig, I experienced that same difficulty with vocalizing, and my throat struggled to make a sound. I struggled so hard that I used my real vocal chords and INSTANTLY fouled!! It was a total bummer…but in retrospect, I'm really glad that it happened. Even though this particular episode of the phase lacked the  deep beauty and hyperreality of my first induction, it served to bring home to me that what matters isn't so much the content of the story as the fact that I am in control of the situation at all times. There's no reason to be afraid.

Also, it leads me to wonder if what's more important than the story that unfolds during the episode is ultimately less meaningful than the quality of the consciousness that the phaser brings to it. How deep does/can that consciousness go? Is there a limit to how deep/ real the experience can become?"

About 10 days later, after several intense dreams but nothing else:

"A very eventful night! Followed directions closely again, making sure to get enough sleep (just over 6 hours seems to be the ticket for me), then woke up and physically got out of bed for a while (about 10 minutes), then lay down again. I was awake long enough to repeat my resolve not to move upon awakening and to practice a few of the techniques 
(rotation and swimming), and then managed to fall asleep on my back. This last step seems to be critical so far.

Awakened to the same surge/rush of that floaty feeling. Had a moment of overanalyzing just how and when to try an exit, then recalled the instruction to just use what felt like my physical muscles to sit up. I totally understand how someone might become confused about whether they are in the phase or not, because the whole process of standing up felt *exactly* like standing up in the physical world. I walked to my mom's staircase again (this time, I really was in her house) and decided to test whether I was in the phase by trying to fly. Jumping up, I hovered in the air momentarily and then gently floated back down, my feet and lower legs becoming partially submerged in the stairs, which felt like squishing down into a really soft carpet.

Again, I went outside with my singular focus of finding my dad. This time, I remembered not to shout, but to speak very softly so as not to risk using my real vocal chords and fouling. There was a crystal vase full of brilliant yellow orchids and lilies on my mom's porch, and I grabbed onto it as a way to deepen. The color was intense...not super-real, as others have reported, but strikingly beautiful nonetheless. I was just about to put my plan of action into effect when someone in the house back in waking life must have made a noise. It didn't pull me out of the phase right away; there was a moment when I had doubled awareness of both bodies and thought I could hold on, but even in that moment the scene blurred and I was lying in bed with my eyes still closed.

Next time I am going to try translocating to my dad, which I still haven't read about in Michael's book because I was just trying to learn the basics. Now that I feel like I have a somewhat reliable way of getting myself into the phase, and have generally had luck in sustaining it for a while, I'm going back to that section of the book to study up!!
Hope to have more to write really soon!

Peace,
River
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Re: River's Journey: In search of my dad

Postby River » Mon Feb 27, 2012 2:30 am

So, I managed a phase last night but think I lay in my body during it. Drat!!!!    :-[

To be fair to myself, the exit sensations felt really different than usual.  In previous attempts, I awakened to a floaty surge. This time, though, it felt more like the kind of energy surge I have always been able to self-induce while waking, and have recently adapted as part of a "strain the brain" technique. Also, and it turns out this is on the list of Raduga's "common mistakes" (i.e. 'ceasing attempts to separate even when partial success is met'), I felt pretty certain that if I attempted to exit, I would move my physical muscles because I was so aware of my physical body lying in bed. 

I was definitely in the phase because I was totally lucid and began viewing the bedroom through my closed eyelids, and was very cautious throughout not to open my physical eyes while doing so. Little pieces of the room---the wall (this one covered with all kinds of sculpted and fabric decorations---likely a recollection of the New Orleans masks that hung there throughout my adolescence), the bedpost (again, my childhood bed, not the one in there now), the window---- would pop up into the blackness and then slowly fade, as though I was peering through a hole in fabric that kept moving around. And then, and this is so strange, a light appeared, a pinpoint surrounded by a greenish glow. It appeared very distinctly, moved around in my field of vision, then disappeared, then reappeared. Happened about 3 times. It seemed so purposive in its movements. I tried calling out to it. But then the phase faded and it disappeared. Perhaps it was a floater, because as I lay in the waning throes of the phase, I was aware of the light sparkles and floaters just under my eyelids, and one of them could have accounted for the green light.

I tried to get myself back into the phase but didn't know how (more reading is obviously required).  Eventually, I fell back to sleep and had what was a long and winding, partially-lucid dream about being the phase: aka, rolling out of bed, feeling my feet land on the floor, attempting some of the location techniques to find my dad that I had decided to use prior to falling asleep the night before, none of which worked. Then, embarking on all kinds of adventures such as flying through the trees and talking to people, which I could only somewhat recall even just upon waking.

Not sure how to categorize this experience. It lacked the realism of some of my prior phasing but seemed more lucid and orderly in sequence of events than a normal dream. The best I can say is that it represents something in-between or transitional on this spectrum of altered states I am coming to understand is far more complicated and nuanced than I had ever imagined.

In any event, last night was certainly productive in terms of lessons learned. If I awake again in a phase, of any depth, I will keep on trying to separate until either it happens or I move my muscles. Better to foul than miss an opportunity altogether.
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Re: River's Journey: In search of my dad

Postby River » Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:08 pm

Nothing new and exciting to report since my last post. I'm trying to keep to a better (i.e. more regular) schedule of attempts, and to resist the temptation to try phasing more than a few times a week.

One item of interest, however. Now that I have shared my phase experiences with my husband, he has started having them too. He had a really intense and vivid one just a couple of days ago. He is not utilizing any particular method but happens to have a sleep physiology (and work schedule) that is conducive to coming in and out of consciousness multiple times throughout the early morning. Now he is waking up in that transitional state much more frequently. We had been talking about feeling vibrations/rushing noises for a few nights, and then one night he awoke to vibrations and the sound of a jet plane inside his head. He was utterly terrified and couldn't believe it was actually happening (guess he'd been skeptical of my accounts, though like a supportive spouse hadn't said so to me directly.) Now that he recognizes it for what it is, though, he can more easily allow himself to just go with it and separate.

I find it fascinating that merely having heard secondhand about vibrations pre-empted their occurrence, and now he has had a number of full-blown phase experiences, possibly more than I have had (grrr!). It's really cool that just knowing about OBEs can have this kind of effect on a person's psyche. To me, it is just one more compelling reason for why we need much more exploration about what causes the phase and why!!

Peace,
River
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Re: River's Journey: In search of my dad

Postby River » Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:34 am

A very clear "lucid dream"-style phase last night. Sensations initially felt about 60% real just before it dawned on me that I was dreaming, and sharpened to about 75% after deepening.

I didn't intend to cycle through indirect techniques due to my promise to stick to a regular routine, but I have been "cheating" a bit by using several techniques to help me fall asleep. Last night, I spent more time than usual observing my hands in front of me. I imagined painting my fingernails one by one, then writing with a pencil, painting with a paintbrush, and twisting my ring around my finger. Then I tried out something new to me--the technique of imagining an object in my hand. In this case, I used an apple and tried to feel it, see it, and manipulate it in front of my eyes. At one point, the imagery became real enough that, upon biting into the apple, my physical jaw twinged and saliva started to flow!

I fell asleep soon after, and started dreaming about standing in the middle of a busy, wet road near my old house, watching the headlights of oncoming cars. The thought dawned on me that I was in the phase. What's interesting is that the realization seemed to take place upon perceiving myself to be in danger (i.e. standing in the path of oncoming traffic) and upon already experiencing a high level of realism in the sensations I was feeling.

These 2 factors triggered awareness, and once awareness dawned, I immediately began deepening by peering at the light reflecting off the rain puddles in the street. Soon, I was skimming along just above the road while continuing to look down. The water puddles fascinated me and soon transformed into carpet pile, which I continued to scrutinize. After a while, I found myself flying down a very long corridor in a house or trailer (a common dream theme for me). I stopped to peer into a mirror and was amazed at the degree of detail present in my reflection. Everything, from the scar on my chin to my facial features to the tiny discolorations in my skin, seemed completely accurate. The subconscious certainly is an amazing recording device!

As I flew, I said the names of my dad and my deceased brother and grandfather softly to myself, hoping one of them would materialize. I thought then that if I just willed my father's shoes to appear in front of me, that they would, and then I could look up and see the rest of him standing there. Either this plan didn't work, or the phase receded before I had a chance to try. I awoke with total clarity and very good recollection of what had happened.

Peace,
River
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Re: River's Journey: In search of my dad

Postby River » Sat Mar 17, 2012 1:47 am

2 nights ago I entered the phase while dreaming but never really felt completely lucid. Does this happen to other people? I know I was in the phase because the sensations suddenly became distinctly real and I got that floaty surge feeling. One part of my mind understood what was happening, but strangely remained caught up in acting out the regular dream narrative. What happened was that I began rotating rapidly while gazing down at an M.C. Escher-style painting below me. It was a gray scale depiction of interlocking animals: rabbits, ducks, and turtles, I think.

Last night also found me falling asleep while in the phase, with a few moments of waking clarity and realism giving way to ordinary dreams. I used my favorite techniques to achieve the phase:  1. visualizing/feeling my hands as they perform various activities, e.g. painting my nails, drawing, etc, and 2. imagining myself on all manner of swings, treadmills, and other exercise equipment, which over time has come to produce very real-feeling shifts in my vestibular sense.  Woke up at 4:30, stayed up until I felt really and truly awake, then got myself back to sleep doing the visualizations.

Then, sudden awareness that I was in the phase, but not sure how I knew it. No vibrations, no floaty surge, just a certainty. Separation from my physical body proved more difficult than in recent prior attempts; my senastions seemed about evenly split between physical and dream bodies.  I remember reaching out to grab onto one of the drawers of the night table and using it to pull myself out. Then, it seemed, there was a moment of choice; I could opt to focus on my physical body and have the reaching-out maneuver not work, or I could allow myself to be pulled into the phase and proceed with a narrative that posited the maneuver working out successfully. (As an aside, I feel as though I've had this experience before in mundane dreams before ever starting to practice the phase: a fork in the road where one can either make something happen through the sheer will power... or watch disappointedly as the object of one's dreaming desire fails to materialize. Not sure I'm explaining this well, but there it is...)

In any case,  I somehow overcame whatever negative or insecure emotion produces that sort of failure in order to generate complete commitment to and believability in the phase. From that point on, I recall standing up in my room and putting my plan of action into effect. There are definite gaps in my memory here, but I do recall rounding the end of the hallway and looking down onto the foyer at the bottom of the stairs. I had hoped my dad would be there but somehow knew he wouldn't be. Then, I recall going through the front door and leaving it wide open (ah, the freedom of not having to worry about cats escaping!). I was on the front lawn, and it was broad daylight. There was a friendly golden retriever on the grass and it came up and nuzzled me. "Is that you, dad?" I asked, somewhat in jest but also truly thinking if my dad were to appear, he might well take the form of one of his favorite species. It seemed there was also a small white terrier frolicking in the background.

I walked a bit up the street, remembering my plan to gaze intently at my hands. There seemed to be faint tiny white lights stippling my skin, almost like flecks of mica but even finer. I did not peer at them for long but continued to move, ever fearful of losing the phase.

The next stage in my plan of action had been to fly as high as I could over the entire city. But from this point on, things descended into more of a dream state, and all I recall is that the street turned into an open-air market with a Mexican feel to it, and 2 women were selling pinatas from booths with brightly-colored striped awnings. It was as I launched myself into the air through the market that I felt the phase slipping away and became aware of my physical body and its surroundings. But thankfully, as I returned to bed, I managed to remember that it was worth attempting to re-create the phase state right away. Again, I utilized the trick of grabbing onto the night table drawer and levering myself out, again sensing the existence of a choice--- either envision myself separating successfully or have my sensations remain stuck in my physical surroundings.

Although I have no memory of getting out, I do remember going to my husband and finding him awake and listening to his iPod. He told me that he wanted to eat breakfast in the office. I sat on the bed next to him and told him excitedly that I was not really there, that I was in the phase, and that he should try to remember the word "licorice" when he woke up (later, he remembered no such thing!).

After that, I wandered into my daughter's bedroom (I know...no plan of action) and looked at her sleeping for a moment before trying to fly out the window.  The window screen was in my way so I decided to try just going right through it. Guess my mind could not give full credence to the prospect of violating the basic properties of matter, however, and so it pulled my awareness back into my body, at which point I became submerged again almost immediately into an ordinary dream.

Another attempt tonight….stay tuned.

Peace,
River
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Re: River's Journey: In search of my dad

Postby Summerlander » Sun Mar 18, 2012 1:20 am

River wrote:2 nights ago I entered the phase while dreaming but never really felt completely lucid. Does this happen to other people? I know I was in the phase because the sensations suddenly became distinctly real and I got that floaty surge feeling. One part of my mind understood what was happening, but strangely remained caught up in acting out the regular dream narrative.


Yes, it has happened to me several times.  This has been touched upon by Michael Raduga and Stephen LaBerge in his "Exploring The World of Lucid Dreaming".

River wrote:Woke up at 4:30, stayed up until I felt really and truly awake, then got myself back to sleep doing the visualizations.


I tend to wake up around that time too and like to visualise my ceiling light.

River wrote:Then, sudden awareness that I was in the phase, but not sure how I knew it. No vibrations, no floaty surge, just a certainty.


Sometimes there are no vibes or any strange sensation whatsoever.  I once had the impression of teleporting out of body and was in the phase straight away.  No effort.

River wrote:(As an aside, I feel as though I've had this experience before in mundane dreams before ever starting to practice the phase: a fork in the road where one can either make something happen through the sheer will power... or watch disappointedly as the object of one's dreaming desire fails to materialize. Not sure I'm explaining this well, but there it is...)


I think I know what you mean.  At the beginning I was having a lot of dream-induced phase experiences and I used to try to fly into space.  But there was always a barrier like a sheet that would not let me go any further.  One day, I encountered this barrier and felt stuck.  Then I thought to myself "this is my dream damn it, if I can fly then I can go through this sheet like a ghost".  I persevered and succeeded.  I had time to go to Mars and watch the Earth from its surface as though it was the morning star.  Then, I found two armies of giants fighting and I decided to beat them all up.  It was great! ;D

River wrote:I walked a bit up the street, remembering my plan to gaze intently at my hands. There seemed to be faint tiny white lights stippling my skin, almost like flecks of mica but even finer. I did not peer at them for long but continued to move, ever fearful of losing the phase.


I try not to fear fouling now whilst deepening or maintaining.  I try.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes I last in the phase.  Other times I foul but never see fouls as the end.  We can reenter the phase.  Always try.

River wrote:
After that, I wandered into my daughter's bedroom (I know...no plan of action) and looked at her sleeping for a moment before trying to fly out the window.


I know.  I get sidetracked too.  Maybe we should also have exploring whatever we find as a step of a plan of action so that we satiate our curiosity.

River wrote:Another attempt tonight….stay tuned.


Yes please!  :P
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Re: River's Journey: In search of my dad

Postby River » Sun Mar 18, 2012 1:50 pm

Summerlander wrote:

Yes, it has happened to me several times.  This has been touched upon by Michael Raduga and Stephen LaBerge in his "Exploring The World of Lucid Dreaming".


Ah, so good to know! Thank you, Summerlander! I really need to read more. I had spent so long absorbing other people's accounts of their OBEs, and now that they are actively happening to me, had set the books aside for a while. It felt so good to be a bona fide practitioner at last instead of just a jealous spectator . But there's clearly more to learn, and a huge literature out there to help. And it's amazing when one's own experience validates that literature!

Summerlander wrote:
Sometimes there are no vibes or any strange sensation whatsoever.  I once had the impression of teleporting out of body and was in the phase straight away.  No effort.



Awesome! It's amazing how many ways there are to get to the phase that don't conform to the standard account most people hear. It's no wonder most people aren't aware of ever having had an OBE, because it presents in ways we just associate with the "normal weirdness" of sleeping and dreams.


Summerlander wrote:I think I know what you mean.  At the beginning I was having a lot of dream-induced phase experiences and I used to try to fly into space.  But there was always a barrier like a sheet that would not let me go any further.  One day, I encountered this barrier and felt stuck.  Then I thought to myself "this is my dream damn it, if I can fly then I can go through this sheet like a ghost".  I persevered and succeeded.  I had time to go to Mars and watch the Earth from its surface as though it was the morning star.  Then, I found two armies of giants fighting and I decided to beat them all up.  It was great! ;D


Lol, that's hilarious . I'm sure those giants never saw you coming.

I know exactly what you mean. I used to have a recurring dream about flying to outer space and bumping up repeatedly against the bottom of a dusty mattress. Never was lucid enough to remind myself that it was just a dream. I had another "barrier" experience just this past night which I was about to post, but hadn't recognized it as such until reading your comments!

Seems like our deeply-held beliefs about what is possible determine how easily we can violate physical laws in the phase. So… with more practice comes more confidence in our ability to do it?


Summerlander wrote:I try not to fear fouling now whilst deepening or maintaining.  I try.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes I last in the phase.  Other times I foul but never see fouls as the end.  We can reenter the phase.  Always try.


Yes, so true. Thank you. Sometimes my anxiety about fouling keeps me from fully absorbing/enjoying the experience...which ironically, could make fouling more likely? Will have to remember that waking up is not a dead end, just an opportunity to take our skills one step further by learning how to re-enter.


Summerlander wrote:I know.  I get sidetracked too.  Maybe we should also have exploring whatever we find as a step of a plan of action so that we satiate our curiosity.


Great idea! I wonder how long someone could last while doing this if they somehow remembered to maintain consistently.


Summerlander wrote:Yes please!  :P


Thanks again for your comments, Summerlander. It's been so helpful reading your and other people's blogs in tandem with Michael's book, and knowing that there's a community of sane and rational people doing this all over the world helps combat some of the isolation I feel right now. (After all, I can only talk to my spouse about phasing for 7 out of 24 hours  before his eyes start glazing over  ;D ).
River
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Re: River's Journey: In search of my dad

Postby River » Sun Mar 18, 2012 2:03 pm

Made another attempt two nights ago. No separation but awoke to very strong rushing/surge of energy and moderate vibrations coming from my stomach. I had just been wondering earlier that day why I no longer seemed to feel vibrations upon entering the phase, and lo and behold, here they were again. So interesting how personal intentions and beliefs color one's experience of the phase.

Woke myself up this past morning at 5:30 and had a lot of trouble returning to sleep. Again, I was at my mom's house, and was disturbed from light sleep multiple times by cats, alarm clocks ringing in other rooms, and my daughter calling out for me. Frustrating as this is, I think it has aided the process in the past. It guarantees that any lapse in my consciousness is bound to be shallow enough to permit some lucidity. About 80% of my successful phases have happened here. 

I had slipped back into light sleep, dreaming about a pot of coffee that wouldn't fill correctly and had started overflowing, when suddenly I was awake. Either I was already in the phase or very close to it, for as I began practicing imagining polishing my fingernails, immediately my hand began to look and feel quite real. It was as though my eyes were open and simply viewing the activity in front of me. No rushing sensations or noise, no energy surges or any other precursors; just the phase.

As it became clearer that the sensations were going well beyond a simple visualization exercise, I made the polish brush disappear and instead willed a small blue ball to pop into my hand. Not sure why I did this; maybe just to see if I could. I squeezed it a few times and then had the idea of seeing if I could fix my gaze on it while stretching an arm out of bed. The ball proved an excellent focal point that enabled me to put my arm out without overthinking, and the rest of my body was drawn out easily behind it. 

Exhilarated, I slipped out the bedroom door. Just outside the bathroom, I remembered the first step of my plan of action---look all around myself to see if I could see some kind of "astral cord" attaching me to my physical body. Nothing was apparent, so I continued making my way down the stairs, keeping my hands and gaze on the wall in order to deepen. This time, the sensation was closer to walking than to bouncing. Out the front door----a moment's pause to consider whether I should bother going through the motions of unlocking it first---then onto the porch. Forgot to check for my dad at the bottom of the stairs, but once outside, I remembered that I had wanted to fly up to the top of a tree and then ask for a benevolent entity to appear or give me some sign of its presence.

I started trying to fly, managing a sort of high bounce that deposited me half-way up the tree, which appeared as a mass of differently-colored foliage and blossoms. There was a gentle but sustained breeze and it kept tossing my paper-weight form out of the tree and back toward the front door. I put out my hands to keep from hitting the door and grabbed onto one of the porch lanterns, from which I levered myself back down onto the porch. At this point, I remembered to look at my hands to see if they looked unusual. Other than being covered with a fine sprinkling of tree debris, they looked perfectly normal.

Pushing back toward the tree, I attempted another bounce and was again blown out by the wind. I think this unexpected resistance to my plans began reeling me back into a dream state (or perhaps it was that a dream state was already taking over, hence, the hitch in the story). Either way, the tree began morphing in places into a wooden lattice from which purses and handbags hung like a display in a store. Suddenly, I was carrying one of the bags and feeling responsible for hauling it up to the top with me. Added to that, my hand had started hurting as though pricked by a pin---I surmised that one of the staples from the lattice had gotten stuck in my skin and stopped to pull it out. Even as the dream state was taking over, though, I was marveling at how long this phase seemed compared with previous ones (due in large part, I think, to having a very concrete and specific plan of action, which I had turned into a jingle and memorized before falling asleep.)

I looked down at the neighbor's driveway and saw a mass of construction haulers and machines busy at work, sending up a cloud of dust (he has recently had it repaved). For some reason, it disheartened me to see all that stuff there because I knew it would not be there in "real life", just as my husband had not remembered our conversation during a phase the other night. I managed to remain in the tree long enough to request--in a voice just above a whisper so as not to risk using my real vocal chords--- that the "benevolent entity" come talk to me. At that precise moment, my daughter called out from the other room. The phase didn't pop right away. I heard her from the treetops and had a split second to resign myself to the end of the experience before opening my eyes in my physical body.

Overall, I'm really pleased with the ease and clarity of what transpired, and am glad to know that having a very specific plan committed to memory helped maintain it for so long.  Oh, and one other realization: normally, I fall asleep on my back while attempting the phase because it has seemed to produce sleep paralysis more effectively than any other position. But, given my difficulty falling asleep this morning, I had allowed myself to turn to the side, and it made no difference in terms of ease of separation. Good to know, since I seem more or less hardwired to fall asleep on my side!
Last edited by River on Sun Mar 18, 2012 2:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
River
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